Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
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