plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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