I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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