Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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