Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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