ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
