i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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