We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
