White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
