its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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