Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
