I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize