I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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