Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize