I wanna passion pit in your ass
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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