Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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