did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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