I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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