You just made me feel so damn special
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
