I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
