he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Randomize
