marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
