But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
