so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
