I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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