I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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