Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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