Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize
