Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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