I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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