apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
