i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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