I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i love accidental penises.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
