chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
