Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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