Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
