I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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