Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
