i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
