In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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