So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
