I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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