Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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