if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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