Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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