She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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