He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
