You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
