If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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