They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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