So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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