I'm lost and stupid without you.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
