it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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