Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
