Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Randomize
