My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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