She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
