his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
