we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
