as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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