Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
