It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
