call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
