I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
