Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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