They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
