The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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