my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
