What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
