Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
